As I picked up candy for Halloween tomorrow, I realized one year ago today, my son was in a juvenile detention center where he spent Halloween. I was overcome with my own feelings and trauma surrounding the incident as well as the ordeal our family has been through from the October 30th incident that put him there. My son endured an experience that exposed deep flaws in our education system’s ability to support children with trauma histories. October 30th was not only a day of crisis but a catalyst that set us on a path toward advocacy, understanding, and change.
Early Trauma and Complex Diagnoses
My son’s story began with a traumatic start in life. At just three years old, a developmental age when stability and nurturing are crucial, he was removed from his birth mother’s possession by police officers where he was found to suffer from severe neglect. This experience of neglect and being torn from his family and placed in foster care left him with developmental trauma, a type of early adversity that affects brain development, emotional regulation, and behavior. When I adopted him, I knew we’d face challenges, but I was committed to providing the love, support, safety, and stability he needed. I fought for him every day, I promised a judge and him that I’d always keep him safe, and I’ll always do that.
During his early years of school, as a single adoptive mom, I relied on the school. I thought they were the experts. They told me he didn’t have ADHD. They said when he shut down, that he didn’t have any learning disabilities, it was just behavioral. Bullying and hormones as he grew older exacerbated the behavior. He started having episodes of rage. No one knew what was happening. It wasn’t until the eighth grade that I learned he had more than behavioral issues and it didn’t stop there.
As he grew, it became clear that this early trauma would shape his emotional and mental health in profound ways. Diagnosed with severe ADHD, General Anxiety, Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder (DMDD), Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), and Dysgraphia, he faces a daily battle to manage symptoms that many do not understand. His diagnoses are accompanied by behavioral challenges, not because he is “acting out,” but because these are the natural responses of a child shaped by early trauma and ongoing mental health struggles. “Fight or Flight Response” is a survival instinct of children of neglect and trauma. Every parent and educator should know this term and why it’s important and something I wished I’d known much earlier.
The Events of October 30th
Two weeks before the incident, my son stopped his medication cold turkey unbeknownst to us by “cheeking” the meds. Many people with mental health issues stop taking their meds because they feel better, not understanding that it’s the medication that makes them feel better. Going off mental health medications can cause neurological changes. During these two weeks, he had walked the halls a couple of times to avoid the classroom and ordered food from an outside service which the assistant principal had to handle. At home, we stayed in constant communication with his psychiatrist and in turn stayed in constant communication with the school. I alerted the school that it would take weeks to get his meds corrected and that aggression and sleepiness would be expected. In his ARD days later, they took physical aggression off his BIP. They got it past me by only telling me about current behaviors and I agreed. I found out later they don’t have to tell you if they’re removing anything from the BIP.
On October 30th, my son, already in a fragile state from stopping his medication, was at school when an incident unfolded that should never have happened. The school staff knew he had been off his medication, knowing it was affecting his behavior and making him more susceptible to aggression. Yet, instead of supporting him with understanding, behavioral staff provoked his anxiety further.
After he completed his assignments which he was praised for, the behavioral staff asked him to return to the classroom but he wanted to rest due to the exhaustion his medications caused. But the staff denied him that and his self-calming area—a space designated to help him regulate—and instead, made disparaging comments while they thought he was sleeping. Behavioral teachers, who also serve as sports coaches, mocked him, saying, “You’re acting like a baby, and that’s probably why your mom named you ---,” and “What do babysitters make? Because that’s what I should make for babysitting him.” These unprofessional, cruel remarks set off an escalation that could have been avoided with empathy and trauma-informed care.
To make matters worse as he was getting upset about their comments, the behavioral teachers pulled the chair from underneath him. He tried to stay under the table, but they pulled the table away. When he tried to run to the corner, a designated calming area in his Behavioral Intervention Plan (BIP), they denied him access, while chest bumping, pushing, and holding. This only escalated the situation which led to restraint. He fought to not only get to his calming space but to get out of the restraint. They chose to press charges against him for it.
An Urgent Call for Help Denied
As the situation intensified, I arrived at the school, doing everything I could to get my son the help he needed. The assistant principal kept him from me even while he tried to get to me, again another safe place for him to calm down. Seeing him trying to get to me for safety caused my own trauma in that office. I called a mental health hospital and secured a bed for him, asking the assistant principal to ask the officers they called to help me escort him there for treatment. However, I soon realized the assistant principal had a different agenda. Despite my requests and the availability of a mental health facility, she withheld this information from law enforcement and insisted on having my son arrested. They chose to retraumatize a child who’s already been through something similar at 3 years old.
The officers on the scene had no idea that I had arranged a mental health bed or that I had asked for their help in transporting him safely. They were left in the dark about his mental health needs and the full context of the situation. Adding to the lack of compassion was the fact that our county has a specialized mental health unit trained to handle situations like this. Yet, the school never called them or allowed him to go to the hospital, choosing punishment over the care he so desperately needed.
Systemic Failures: When Compliance Overrides Compassion
Reflecting on the events of that day, I see clearly how the school’s choices contributed to this avoidable tragedy. The behavioral staff did not follow trauma-informed practices or the accommodations specified in his Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). Their response was rooted in dislike, compliance, and discipline rather than understanding, making my son’s existing trauma even worse. He was met with force and punishment when he needed patience and compassion.
This experience has shown me that schools often lack the necessary trauma training to work effectively with children who carry deep emotional wounds. Instead of applying proven de-escalation strategies, my son’s needs were dismissed, and punitive measures were prioritized over his well-being.
I now understand that schools blanket all mental health issues under “emotionally disturbed behavior” and none of the diagnoses or meds you bring to the table matter because they only have resources to focus on behavior. Just the behavior, not the many diagnoses, side effects, medications, and symptoms you want them to acknowledge or help. The parent is left alone to figure all that out. The schools and educators are not the experts in mental health issues as I once thought. The schools don't have the resources to train educators the way they should in mental health issues or to accommodate students with mental health issues.
Turning Pain into Purpose
Despite the pain and frustration, we have chosen to transform this experience into something meaningful. Over the past year, I’ve dedicated myself to researching trauma-informed care, connecting with mental health professionals, and developing resources to support other families, educators, and students. Through Kids Dreams Matter, Inc., we’re working to create a future where no child faces punishment for the scars they carry, and where schools understand and support students with mental health needs.
This journey has fueled our mission to advocate for trauma-informed training for educators, emphasizing the importance of compassion over compliance. Educators also could benefit from training on the effects of mental health medications, especially as students are placed on new treatments, transition off medications, or experience changes in dosage. Each of these shifts can significantly impact a student’s behavior, mood, and physical well-being, often making them tired, irritable, or more emotionally sensitive. Teachers need to be aware of these potential side effects and understand that they can affect a student’s ability to concentrate, regulate emotions, or behave as they typically would. With greater knowledge, educators would be better prepared to recognize these changes as part of the adjustment process, responding with compassion rather than judgment or discipline.
By sharing our story, I hope to encourage systemic change so that no other child faces what my son endured on October 30th.
Moving Forward with Resilience
To every parent, teacher, and advocate who has walked this path, know that you’re not alone. Together, we can build a future where children are met with empathy, not punishment, and where resilience is fostered through understanding and care. This past year has taught us the strength of community and the power of turning pain into purpose. Thank you for standing with us as we push for a better, more compassionate educational environment for all children navigating trauma and mental health challenges.
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